A Call Center Christmas Wish 

Santa when you make your list
and check it once, then twice
I beg you consider this request
before marking me "Not Nice".

I work in customer service
and every day I spend
Eight hours showing callers that I care
(or at least that's what I pretend.)

I spend all week in a small grey cube
in an aging rolling chair.
My headset tethers me to my desk
and leaves a weird part in my hair.

Now you may be thinking
"That sounds fine - how could you NOT be nice?"
But it's not that simple and here is why
I'd like that list checked THRICE.

I've been cursed at more than fifty times -
in spanish and french to boot.
And not once did I swear back at them
(without my phone on mute.)

I've been called a liar, and a thief
a douchebag and a pain.
I've been called ten different racial slurs -
impressive for a white guy from Maine.

Just please don't pay attention
to the things I say under my breath -
when I tell my customers to bite me
or plan their fiery death.

I'm sure you've seen me hang up on them
to get the final word.
And I guess it could have looked naughty
when I flipped my monitor the bird.

And yes it's true I do slack off
and browse the web during all my calls
except for gbacentral.net - 
damn work firewall. 

But Santa forgive me one more year
for being a slacker and a slob
and grant me my one christmas wish -
Please bring me a better job.